I am the Master

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I am the Master

Category : Family

Have you ever done anything for your kids and they immediately think that you are the absolute BOMB at it?  No really, do they think that in their eyes, you are just fantastic at doing that particular thing?  Do they have that inbuilt knowledge that you have been practicing that particular task for years, perfecting it, just so you could trot it out to them?

Well, my 11yo son thinks all this and more of me when it comes to making……..wait for it………..PROFITEROLES!

Jesus Christ.

I am SO NOT THE BOMB in making these.  Have you ever tried making these bloody things?  They would have to be the most time consuming, fiddly, multiple stepped item of food that I have made.  Whoever came up with the concept of these bloody things can go stuff themselves full of the custard that fills them.  I detest you.

But because I don’t want to tarnish the iconic status that I have now achieved in my pre teen son’s eyes, I have to continue the sham that I actually like making them.  And what makes this even more laughable, is that I have made them – before yesterday – exactly once.  That’s right.  ONCE.  And I made something like 8.  Which were all gobbled up and barely touched the sides, so God know’s how any of them could say how they bloody tasted.

But Tom comes home a couple of weeks ago and tells me that for this year’s Mission Day (this year raising money for poor communities in Cambodia), that he and his mates are going to run a Baker Cat Stall (for the purposes of this story, Baker Cat is nothing).  It is essentially a bake stall.  And he has reliably told his friends that he – not me – will provide profiteroles.  Until of course he came home and told me that he needed 40 something profiteroles.  FORTY!!!!!  Oh FFS.

So here I am last night, whipping up the spongey outside casings and preparing the custard to go inside.  I ended up with 41 which I was mighty happy with until I discovered that I had undercooked half of them by 10 minutes so had to whack them back in the oven and pray that they did their magic and puffed up.  They mostly did.

But it didn’t stop there.  We were also to make Anzac bikkies, muffins and homemade lemonade [I should pop in a disclaimer here and say that I do have a thermomix, so making all this is not all that hard….except the bloody profiteroles that require multiple steps].  So this morning dawns with a perfect weather day and I have the Anzac bikkies, the muffins and the profiterole casing and custard all ready.  All I needed to do was fill the bloody casings smear them with chocolate and make the lemonade.  I would drop everything off at school at 11.30 ready for the 12pm Mission Day stalls.  It would be a breeze.

Except it wasn’t.

Dropping Henry at daycare this morning, I discovered I left his Epipens at home and had to drive all the way back to get them so I could deposit him out of my way.  The custard was so cold out of the fridge that it didn’t want to pipe into the casings.  I dropped some on the ground, which on it’s own was ok, but there was water on ground and they got wet.  Soggy profiteroles are no-one’s friend and certainly would not live up to the Michelin Star standard my son believes them to be.  So six bit the dust and the pigs will enjoy those.  Then I nearly ran out of chocolate.

An research interview which was to run 45mins from 10.30am, ran until 11.50am leaving me with 10 minutes to make the lemonade (which included getting the lemons off the tree….why do they never come off when you need them to?), shove everything into the car and zoom to the school.

Needless to say, the kitchen was a shambles of chocolate, globs of custard, spilt lemonade due to syphoning it into bottles, stickiness everywhere and lemon pulp over the bench.  And I looked like shit.  The upside was, the place smelled wonderfully of citrus!

But I rocked up to that stall with those 35 profiteroles, the Anzac bikkies, the muffins and the homemade lemonade and Tom thought I was the Master.  He proudly announced to his cohort that the profiteroles had arrived and now they could really raise some money.  And together with the popcorn machine (one we also supplied!), the chocolate fountain, the mint slices, the truffle balls, the honey joys and the slushy machine, those boys did raise money.  $35+ in fact.  Which is not too bad an effort considering they were selling things for 10 and 20 cents each!

Yes, I am a Master. And I hope to pass on the knowledge of multitasking to my young grasshopper.  But for now, I am thankful that he was thankful.  And that was enough for me today.

(oh and Baker Cat……check it out on YouTube where you get the music)bakercat


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What made you smile today?

Category : Family

As a follower of the dairy industry, you know that there has not been much to smile about in recent months.  And things don’t seem to be getting much better either.  We are putting up with ridiculous claims from would-be-nutritionalist-chefs that think that paleo diets are for everyone and I hear today, that we should drinking camel milk instead of cows because it is closer to human milk.  Well, if we can’t get people to work in the dairy industry, good luck getting people to milk camels!!!  I worked as a jillaroo on a property up north years back that used to train them for racing.  Nasty beasts that spit a lot.  LOL.

We are also facing recent claims of the VFF doing deals with Coles to somehow funnel funds back to dairy farmers, but the negative sentiment within dairy circles suggests that this is not a widely approved method.  Members cancelling memberships because of deals done behind closed doors before informing them is a sad, sad thing to see.

And of course, even though the milk price has gone off the boil in the urban/city media and the effect it is having on farmers, we are still fighting tooth and nail EVERY day to squeeze every single efficiency out of our businesses because the income is still far, far, FAR below the expenses that we have to endure.  I have spent the better part of the morning editing, re-editing, critiquing and tweeking cash flow budgets for the bank manager and accountant.  “Such a fun morning” said no farmer EVER.

But through the images issues of the dairy industry, the problematic and non existent positive cash flow, some dodgy health issues here at home and the fact that I see that a half baked moron of the food world that thinks he knows everything when clearly, he is really just a moron, there are things to smile about.

Three of my 4 kids go to school.  Grades 5, 3 and prep (the cutest of the cute!).  Last night was the annual St Mary’s School Performance and every kid had a role to play.  Ok, it isn’t on the same level as Shakespeare and even local drama group performances, but it was good.  VERY good.  And it made me smile.  And laugh.  And even cry a little, especially when the preppies came out and did their thing.

How can 200 students singing and dancing and acting not make you smile.  They were gorgeous.  Each of them.  And even though 3 of the kids up there were mine, I was overjoyed to see some of the kids that I teach swimming to up there shaking their wild things!  They were hilarious, cute, enthusiastic and involved.  And they all contributed positively in the life and fabric of our school community.  Thank you to the teachers and every support staff and parent that made last night happen.  Because it certainly put a smile on my face and took away, for just 90 minutes, the worries, anxieties and problems that we face everyday in the dairy industry.

So to leave you with this clip.  This is one of the prep classes.  My daughter, Bella, is up the front pretty much in the middle with the white ears.  They were Teddy Bears.  And I could just have easily taken them all home!!!  Enjoy.

(Bella is the little one to the right of the boy dead centre.  Has white ears and blonde pigtails)

And some stills:

Teddy Bear Bella

Teddy Bear Bella

Dinosaur Tom

Dinosaur Tom

Robot Biddy and friends

Robot Biddy and friends